Thursday, February 08, 2007

Anthony Bourdain Slays the Food Network

Get ready for Anthony Bourdain's truthful massacre of the Food Network bobbleheads on Ruhlman.com.

Alton Brown
"He’s smart. You actually learn something from his commentary. And I’ll admit it: I watch and enjoy Iron Chef America-in all its cheesy glory."

Emeril
"He’s STILL there--the original Behemoth. And I STILL find him unwatchable. As much mileage as I’ve gotten over the years, making fun of Emeril; he deserves a lot more respect than I’ve given him."

Bobby Flay
"Now…does ANYONE actually believe that Bobby Flay can’t make a better chili than a supermarket ground beef bearing amateur? I don’t. It’s a cruel exercise in humiliation. A variation on “Dunk Bozo” or “Shoot The Geek,” at the carnival. And whatever I might have thought of Flay’s previous TV efforts, I find the network’s misuse of one of their founding chefs to be nauseatingly cynical."

Mario
"Is there any more egregiously under-used, criminally mishandled, dismissively treated chef on television? Relegated to the circus of Iron Chef America, where--like a great, toothless lion, fouling his cage, he hangs on--and on--a major draw (and often the only reason to watch the show)."

That Ace of Cakes Guy
"Wait till they try and put the poor bastard on a pony--or do a “Tailgate Special” with the usual suspects. Or a “Thanksgiving Special” where he has to sit down with the bobbleheads and pretend to like it."

Giada
"What’s going on here!? Giada can actually cook! She was robbed in her bout versus Rachael Ray on ICA. ROBBED!"

Rachael
"Complain all you want. It’s like railing against the pounding surf. She only grows stronger and more powerful. Her ear-shattering tones louder and louder. We KNOW she can’t cook. She shrewdly tells us so. So...what is she selling us? Really? She’s selling us satisfaction, the smug reassurance that mediocrity is quite enough."

Paula
"I’m reluctant to bash what seems to be a nice old lady."

Sandra Lee
"Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped."

I find it very hard to disagree.

Enjoy the entire article here.

17 comments:

Chubbypanda said...

OMFG! You're a goddess! Thank you for this. *geeking out*

One Food Guy said...

This is fantastic! I'll admit, I like ICF and I'm a huge Batali fan, only because his restaurants truly are spectacular.

I used to like Flay, until I ate at Bolo, what a dump, flavorless, unbalanced food.

I agree about Sandra Lee, SCARY!

Food Marathon said...

Bourdain is on the express train to hell in the front car. And I think I might join him...

Peeved Michelle said...

I don't usually like Bourdain, but I agree with his assessments of all the Food Network regulars.

H. C. said...

Haha, I mostly agree as well -- ESP. about Sandra Lee... my mouth dropped when she poured cheeze whiz into a pot to make fondue, (and barfed a little in my mouth at her beer margari-tini)

Yuzu said...

I find myself shocked that I actually agree with a lot of his comments on the Food Network chefs. Bless him for refusing to bash Paula Deen. :)

And LOL at notes on Sandra Lee. I couldn't agree more. Especially since she pronounces chipotle like "chuh-POL-tee".

BoLA said...

I love Rulman! And I love Bourdain! :D

BoLA said...

I meant, Ruhlman! ;)

Daily Gluttony said...

and this is why i will always have a soft spot for tony bourdain =)

Matt Brown said...

Nothing about the voluptuous Nigella Lawson? I'd be interested in his thoughts on her.

Sylvie said...

I read that article and couldn't help but totally agree with Bourdain. Yes, I still watch Food TV but find Rachel and Sandra hard to watch. Emeril, I'm also bored with but love him. Paula is my lady but I cringe everytime her boys show up. Yea, I'd love to be a Food TV star too.

Deb said...

GREAT post! I couldn't agree with him more!!!!!! What sells...sells. Go figure. ;)

Mark Kawayoshi said...

Great article by Bourdain. He's like the Charles Barkley of cooking. I'm not sure who is more blunt.

eliangonzalez said...

The link to the article does not seem to work.

Jeni said...

Thanks Elian...fixed it!

Anonymous said...

I don't necessarily disagree with some of Bourdain's opinions, but am seriously getting tired of his "look at me, I'm such a rebel" schtick. It's tiresome and not quite believable. When did he last cook and why did he quit? How do we know he's any good, for that matter? Irrespective of his culinary qualifications, Tony's adolescent whining about the silly Rachael sound like ill-disguised envy. Yeah, Tony, she's rich. Get over it.

foodiefan said...

By Tony's own admission, he's not the greatest chef, but he does not suck. What he has is a passion and love for food that is made fresh, food that has taste - things that uber-hack Sandra Lee knows nothing about. I appreciate his bluntness. And if his bad-boy schtick is wearying, he compensates for it by being f****ng funny as hell. Bourdain rules, as does his wingman Ruhlman.

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